Kerbstones October 31, 2007
Posted by johnph in Kerbstones, Uncategorized.add a comment
Thank-you Sir.
The highways department of the District Council have been looking for you for some months and after spotting your ‘comment’ on this official website, I’m afraid I had no alternative but to hand you in. The staff requested I return this reply.
“Mounting kerbstones in the dark is an offence punishable by a term at her Majesty’s pleasure. We find that such mounting, even using a tired rubber covering, contravenes Statute 147 sub section 13.4 paragraph 17 and have duly handed your file to DCI Plodd for action to be taken against you.”
Dear Mr. Hugo
It has come to my attention that you have been abusing young kerbstones for your own perverted pleasures. My staff of 324 and my good self are determined to stamp out this foul and disgusting habit. Accordingly, we would be most grateful if you would present yourself at your nearest convenience where you will be banged up until you’ve learned your lesson. When giving yourself up, please use the codeword ‘goldfish’ so that my 324 staff avoid banging up the wrong person. I would further advise you that your failure to come quietly will be considered an aggravated ass ult, punishable by an extended probing of your whereabouts.
Kindest Regards
DCI Plodd xxx
PS. Your nail file and details have been passed to the Criminal Prostitution Service, from whom you can expect to hear in the following month.
Dear Sir,
Your file has been passed to us for Ajewdication. Whilst the contents disgusted us, due to staff shortages, we feel unable to satisfy the nature of your enquiry and remain
Yours faithfully
Sign on my behalf will you Mary and if anyone else calls, tell ‘em I’m out kerbcrawling.
