2 Men Talking

2 men talking may seem an inappropriate centre of operations for Offpiss, but I am determined to restore global sanity somehow. Like any great crusade, certain elements need to be put in place immediately, and it is here that I must implore all like minded individuals to assist. Whilst there are plenty of Government departments dealing with things like Offwatt, Offgem etc. nothing deals with unsolicited mail!!

I fervently believe that this blatant omission must be quickly addressed on the grounds of conservation, global sanity and castellated goldfish everywhere. And I have some proposals, in their infancy at the moment, which I could soon work up another government quango that consumes lots of money that would otherwise be wasted, adheres to a plethora of meaningless targets and provides the typical knee-jerk reaction to a major public out-whimper.

• Firstly we need a mission statement
• Secondly we need an operational plan
• Thirdly we need a set of targets
• Fourthly we need a mascot that people will relate to
• Fifthly we need to construct some eye-catching advertising material
• Sixthly we need top class PR agency on board
• Seventhly we need a slick brochure of our services

Which we can then mail out to every home in the land!!!!!!